On sale now for $9.99 at Amazon.com…get it while it’s hot!
Well, rock-a-hula-baby, happy birthday big guy, wherever you are.
Step right up and purchase your copy of Elvis and the Blue Moon Conspiracy, the REAL story of the first moon landing, right here. I’ll even sign it for you. It’s now or never…
The Onion has finally broken the story and not one but TWO newspapers from Bangladesh picked up the article and printed it as if it were fact. Oh, those Bangladeshi…I can’t decide which story is funnier!
The limousine parked outside the White House. Chief of Staff Bob Haldeman greeted Monroe and Dixon as they emerged from their limo, then led them through security and into the halls of the mansion. As they walked to the West Wing, Haldeman told the NASA men, “The President is looking forward to the meeting.” Then Haldeman spoke directly to Monroe. “We all know what a terrific job you did with JFK.”
Monroe cleared his throat and nervously straightened his tie. Few knew the full extent of Jack Monroe’s relationship with the former president, and it was those exact few that Monroe and Dixon were about to meet.
President Nixon came out of the Oval Office and met the two NASA officials in the secretary’s anteroom. “A pleasure to see you again, Dr. Monroe. We were just discussing the exceptional work you did with JFK.”
“Thank you, Mr. President.”
Then the President turned to Dixon. “And you must be Peter Dixon.”
“Yes, sir,” Dixon replied.
Jack said, “I recruited Peter in 1964 out of the DOD. He’s one of the best strategic thinkers you’ll ever meet.”
Nixon quietly sized up Dixon and then ushered everyone into the Oval Office. Dixon was surprised to see Secretary of State Henry Kissinger and FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover sitting on two couches, awaiting their arrival. President Nixon introduced everyone and the six conspirators got down to business.
As Jack Monroe took his seat beside the Secretary of State, Hoover inspected him from the opposite couch. The FBI had a thirty-one page file on Dr. John P. Monroe. Eighteen pages were classified. Hoover knew the content of those classified pages and had nothing but the utmost respect for the doctor.
Now Nixon offered the floor to Peter Dixon who started to outline the details of Operation Blue Moon. He told them how NASA would sneak Elvis Presley onto the Saturn V rocket without word leaking to the public. How he would be trained in secrecy so that the public thought Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins constituted the entire Apollo 11 crew.
They’d keep Elvis silent and off camera throughout the duration of the trip. Hoover assured the two NASA men that the FBI could plug any leak in a matter of hours. Television broadcasts would run on a short delay and mission footage would be altered to suit the surprise concert before it was beamed to the masses via satellite.
“There is just one thing,” Kissinger mentioned as he fiddled with his tie. “How do you expect Elvis Presley to play guitar when he’s hunched inside that spacesuit?”
Dixon cursed himself. How did he forget about that?
Monroe covered wonderfully. He said, “Our engineers are highly competent. We’re adjusting for every contingency.” Nixon was close to believing that Operation Blue Moon would be possible. The President glanced at Kissinger who nodded his approval. J. Edgar also signaled okay. Nixon saw that Bob Haldeman had already decided, as the Chief of Staff was perched on the edge of the couch, awaiting the President’s decision.
“Elvis Presley,” Nixon pondered. “The Concert in the Sea of Tranquility, 1969. It could go down in history as one of the most spectacular moments of all time.”
Monroe nodded. “That was out assessment as well.”
The President was still undecided. Dixon knew this was their only chance to receive a “Go” for the great mission, and now Nixon was on the fence. Dixon decided it was time to play the ace in the hole. He said, “Perhaps we could capitalize on merchandising.” The others listened curiously as Dixon explained. “We can market T-shirts that say ‘Concert From the Sea of Tranquility.’ And we can sell Lunar Elvis action figures to kids.”
Monroe winked at Dixon, urging him to continue with this fresh, brilliant idea.
Dixon said, “We can market a ‘Greatest Moment of All Time’ coffee mug. And the world will definitely need a ‘Get Elvis to the Moon and Back’ board game. It could generate millions in political capital.”
The President’s men drooled at the thought.
It was no longer a tough decision for the President. “It’s a terrific idea,” he smiled. “Elvis Presley is the first man on the moon. Is there any better way to win the space race?”
Monroe and Dixon both said, “No, Mr. President.”
President Nixon smiled at Jack Monroe. “I shall be the one to reveal Elvis to the world. To be Master of Ceremonies, so to speak. I will place a phone call to the moon and greet Neil and Buzz. Then on worldwide television I will announce our very, very special guest star.”
Monroe sincerely appreciated the President’s gesture. “Yes, sir,” he said. “It would be our pleasure.”
“Then I wish you the best of luck. Operation Blue Moon is approved.”
The meeting was adjourned. Nixon shook hands with Monroe, then everyone shook hands with everyone else. The President walked Monroe and Dixon to the door. “I will give Mr. Presley a call tonight. I’ll remind him that he once served his country and that we’d be honored if he served it again.”
“Perfect, Mr. President,” Monroe agreed. “You soften him up so Peter and I can swoop in tomorrow with his paycheck and a contract.”
Dixon felt a new weight on his shoulders and that cramp in his stomach again. Nixon said, “Keep me posted on all developments.”
“Yes, sir,” they nodded.
Then the President leaned in close. “Gentlemen,” he whispered.
They waited to hear his words.
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Anyone can see that this obviously faked image of supposed Buzz Aldrin standing on the surface of the moon is further proof of NASA’s moon conspiracy. The image is not Buzz Aldrin at all and was in fact faked for the sake of preserving the perception that NASA flew a flawless mission.
Here is the un-doctored image:
Even a small child would be able to point out the fake…
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